They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
