she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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