I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How does it feel to date your dad?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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