Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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