if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
