She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
