It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
