I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
