Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
