My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
