I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
