One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
