1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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