i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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