True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
