how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
