Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I need moral support for this bender
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
