I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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