How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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