do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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