addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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