Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
