Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
