so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
