So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My pussy is not your playground.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
