He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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