I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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