Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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