is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
