as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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