she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
