I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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