For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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