Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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