i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
