maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
