Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize