Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
