He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
