that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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