you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
