Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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