She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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