The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
