Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize