I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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