he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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