I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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