did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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