i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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