we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize