you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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