I'm so fucking centered right now
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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