How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
