Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize