There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize