Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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