You can't special order awesome
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
