I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize