something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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