it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish i was in the wii world.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
