dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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