So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
