she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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