How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
